Alexis @OhHeyItsAlvaro@queer.town

I'm so sorry for moving accounts like twice in less than a month, y'all, but for obvious reasons I don't want to keep using this one. I'm heading over to @OhHeyItsAlexis

I got a set of falsies yesterday. Putting them on was... harsh. Tight and awkward and, ugh, the way they bristled my inflamed chest stubble due to my attempt at a chemical hair remover failing. I felt awful.

But I took a selfie, and when I saw it... well I kept them on the rest of the night.

Gosh dangit they're so much cuter in person. Spent all night cutting and gluing and then actually filling these out with a hand-written message, but they're now ready to be mailed whenever I am.

I do feel bad about using clothes as a shorthand in a way that goes against my beliefs on gender and expression, but I'm working with cardstock here. I'm sure when I get to the glittering neon gates of gay heaven that St. Peter will let this one slide.

So I've been pondering how to come out to my family.

Group text seems a little tactless.
Voice calls are better, but not great for a group.
Video calls are... I mean no one wants those.

Seeing as how we deal with most of the serious topics in our life with humor, that left just one choice...

Handmade pop-up card.
(Well, at least the design for one...)

This message brought you by Alexis Learning To Do Makeup Properly, a registered PAC.

Honestly we could probably reduce gun ownership in this country by just distributing an eyeliner pencil and a pamphlet on how to do a winged liner to every household. Why would you bother owning one when you could naturally feel that powerful?

Jack, I want you to draw me like one of your picrews.

Coming home at almost midnight.
Your tummy full of oolong tea and s'mores.
Your face sore from smiling.
Your new clothes rich with the smell of wood smoke.
Your heart overflowing with love and acceptance.
💜

Trying out a new name, y'all. Going to kick the tires and give Alexis a spin.

If it sticks I'll... dang it, move my account again.

This moment hit me, thinking about going to a friend's house for a dinner party. How it just felt like I was just a person wearing nice clothes. Two distinctly separate entities. That was how I approached them, "these clothes look nice."

But now... I put on these clothes and I think *I* look nice. It feels like being a whole. Even just sitting here, in a tee and a skirt, I felt so suffused with radiance, such a sense of one-ness, that I just started bawling.

Before I came out to my partner I was wracked with doubt. Am I sure about this? What if I'm wrong?

Now I'm browsing through clothes and I keep picturing myself in them. Seeing my own face on these bodies. I'm literally so overjoyed, so giddy, that I'm actually light-headed.

I had a moment of sadness at the thought of giving up pockets. But then I realized I can fit a full-size Leatherman in a purse. So, y'know, it's swings and roundabouts.

Hey y'all, just a heads up but I'm going by she/her now.

My apologies and please bear with me as I figure this stuff out. I'm currently screaming, clinging by my fingertips to the rear bumper of the cherry red, 1969 convertible Chevy Camaro that is gender as it barrels down the highway of identity doing 95 in a 50.

I've got a whole slew of wonderful men's pastel button up shirts, that unfortunately I never worse as they didn't fully close over my tummy. I got incredibly excited about being able to use them again, just unbuttoned or partially buttoned as a layer over a dress.

It's also not noticeable over video chat, so I can now definitely attend meetings feeling a bit more comfortable in my own skin.

Turns out my partner has never heard "Andrew In Drag" and I'm sad that that's the reason we have to break up but I don't make the rules.

I've been trying to counter the malaise of last year by going hard out of the gate.

All of the stickers that somehow find a way into their life are now getting a home amongst the pages, rather than sitting a bag.

I started drawing crayons self-portraits on the title pages, as a memento of how I felt at that start of that month. This last one required me to bust out my glitter brushes, which is a good sign.

There's just such a visible decline in joy in my journal over 2020. The glued in mementos, the ticket stubs, the playbills, the found ephemera all disappear right away. The stickers and washi tape decorations are next. Then the photos dwindle, from three or four a week, to two or three a month.

December is just completely barren.

Does anyone have suggestions for shops or artists that sell cute or cool stud earrings? Anything is great, but right now I really like either abstract, geometric stuff or straight up saccharine, kawaii AF (for reference, check out LuxCups Creative.)

Etsy was where I was looking, but it seems riddled with people just reselling mass-produced stuff.