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Well I wasn't expecting to ever hear the phrase "he is completely ensconced in the little cavern of your man flesh" in a non-erotic context, but damn is this podcast pulling no stops.

The whole thing makes me want to try again, though. A bunch of folks at work expressed interest, and that'd be super fun. I also kind of feel like I could be a good DM? If the dysphoria doesn't kill me, I'd have a lot of fun doing voices and trying to use my full range.

I'm already scheming up centering phrases to warm up the pipes and switch from femme to masc voice.

"Um, hi, yes, could I please get the boar chicharron tacos?"

"Well actually, you're supposed to stab with the pointy end."

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(Some of these things could have been alleviated by the DMs, as I've learned later. Like, introduce us a party instead of strangers. Introduce us in a setting instead of an empty barge. Have a 3rd party introduce us, instead of having the company rep being coy, malicious, disinterested and sarcastic. Introduce us at all, instead of us just plopping us down and saying "now go!")

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But also, I made some Bad MIstakes. One thing I wasn't aware of, hanging in mostly queer & trans spaces, was the sheer amount of anxiety I have around groups of all cis women. It's like a combo of impostor syndrome combined with anxiety about interrupting someone, *which makes role playing and improve real hard.* Tack on the mistake that I made a character that's distrustful of strangers, and who therefor had no *reason* to talk to these coworkers she'd never met doing an odd job...

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We spent a solid forty five minutes trying to get our inn keepers to give us food, because we were told it'd be provided. On top of that they were so coy and mysterious that we tried every manner of question and check to see what their deal was, to no avail. (Though we found out later they'd prepared a giant subplot for them, even though they kept playing coy.)

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I was in session 0 for a new DnD group, and of lord almighty am I not sure if I want to keep going.

There were two friends co-DMing, which means this might be the first game of DnD ever where even the DM was distracted on their phone and had no idea what was going on. Descriptions were inconsistent, so we could never figure out where we were, if it was out on the water or on a shored boat or... Characters were all sarcastic and malicious, so it was hard to actually find the plot thread.

I don't think this is exactly what my grocery store was looking for in their survey on seafood branding, but...
(CW: politics)

I don't think I can oversell how gorgeous Leanna Firestone's entire debut album, Forward/Slash is.

I just got dumped and they're selling Squishmallows at the grocery store, so, y'know...

Continuing my "yelling into the void for advice" series... does anyone have tips for hair braiding? Specifically on yourself? I just can't seem to keep the strands separate, especially as it's so short and frizzy and I keep needing to mix in more hair.

I like to change my family's Netflix profiles to mess with them. I'm not sure if they've caught the subtlety that my sister, mom and me are all now My Little Ponies, except only mine is a unicorn. Because of, y'know...

When it comes to ice cream flavors, I think chocolate is the most monogamous. Like, yeah, it'll introduce some fun toys into the mix, it's always down for chips and it'll let you try a peanut butter swirl on your birthday, but it's always just chocolate.

Vanilla is a swinger. Vanilla is like, oh you want pie? Did you say both chocolate and vanilla birthday cake? I don't mind, babe, I'll just sit on the corner of the plate and watch. And hey, if things get melty and we all end up on one spoon...

If someone doesn't buy me a bunch of deflated balloons for my orchiectomy I am going to be so pissed.

Yah? What brings us out West? Tis the drought. Back home ha' nary a drop, but folks say out Californee way t'ey got water enough to keep your back fields flush. Say the streets paved with bidets far as the eye can see, from the five and dime to the haberdasher. T'is the world we want for our lil' 'uns. A world where a man can leave his threshold and nae worry 'bout staining his underalls, no matter where the journey may take 'im.

I don't know why my first instinct was to go all "I've blown the Horn of Gondor." Look, I'm high on post-breakfast Tide pen fumes and haven't had my cold brew yet.

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Big titty girls, I call on you in this time of need! I come to you on my knees, begging for guidance in the ways of eating safely. How can I tackle a soup or a shakshouka or a particularly juicy burger again without The Great Chest Staining?

CW: Weight Loss Music 

If you think I've been listening to anything but sad first girl music for the past month your ass would be dead wrong.

This line by Leanna Firestone about Diet Coke...
"Used to wonder
if being skinny
would be worth it
if I could die from it,
but then I found out
that being loved
and being small
feel synonymous,
so I don’t know"

Y'all motherfuckers boosting this means Nazis are now reply-guying me all "but I don't want to lose my balls." Dudes straight out here thinking they're going to step on a loose roller skate and Mr. Bean their way into rolling through a therapist's office, getting covered in nut yeeting consent forms, then landing dick-first on a surgical table.

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Alexis :heart_pan: boosted

I spent too many years being sexless and useful, now I would prefer to be sexful and useless.

If you're wondering what medical gatekeeping looks like, my surgical center requires, for trans women seeking an orchiectomy:
* living as a woman more than a year
* on hormones more than a year
* a letter from a therapist you've seen over a year confirming gender dysphoria
* a letter a 2nd mental health professional with a doctorate degree confirming gender dysphoria
* a letter from a doctor prescribing hormones

If you're a cis dude:
* a letter from a therapist confirming you don't want balls

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Queer Town

A lil' town for me and maybe some friends in the future.