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This song has been stuck in my head for weeks now.

(Bonus: Gregory Abbott has the same number as syllables)

Gender was invented by Big Bathroom Sign to sell twice as many signs.

Wake up, sheeple!

Went a little spicy on the nail art on account of an upcoming date this week.

(CW: tiny nudity & rope bondage)

Lately I've been feeling that maybe I don't actually need a partner to feel fulfilled...

What? Yes, my back lotion applicator did arrive. Why do you ask?

Dumb lewd joke 

You can call me whatever you like, so long as you don't call me late for eating ass.

How was it even possible for me to have had such an amazing weekend?

I had a spectacular date, filled with *spectacular* kissing, with a wonderful woman that made me laugh so hard.

I found the most perfect little house, with a super short commute I could even do on a bike, along scenic trails, *and they accepted my offer.*

Nonsense lewd joke 

I like my dickings the way I like my state: deep.

Oh my god, the mechanism actually worked. I can't believe it actually worked. It still needs text and I might need bigger envelopes too.

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So what do you nerds think would be better on a "congrats on your GRS" card? I am also open to suggestions.

1: "Haters gonna hate, hate hate, hate...
Player gonna play, play, play..."
"Just snip it off, snip it off!"

2. "Looks like your fairy godmother..."
"...finally made you a princess."

3. "This card was handmade special for you..."
"...just like your vagina!"

4. "You got 99 problems..."
"...but a dick ain't one!"

I started learning about mechanical pop-up cards. You bet your ass the first thing I'm using these skills for is to design a "congratulations on your GRS" card...

My brain: time to make myself a little birthday sandwich

Me: what the fuck are you talking about, our birthday is months away

"Waiting for your server to become healthy..."

Well, if it's anything like its mom then good fucking luck.

If I ever own a home with a guest room I think I want to put a picture frame in it with a photo of me, staring angrily and holding a cardboard sign that says, "don't get cum on my new duvet."

Alexis :heart_pan: boosted

did y'all hear about the British grocery store that installed some tilework to advertise fractal broccoli, and it was so beautiful it was immediately declared a world heritage site? if you get a chance you should absolutely go see the romanesco fresco at the UNESCO Tesco

Alexis :heart_pan: boosted

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
for breakfast

Forgive me
the NFT attached to them
still exists
and holds its value

There has been a unicorn update. The big boi was such a good size that I wanted one for myself. It appears there was an *even larger size* and I somehow accidentally ordered it.

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The sins continued. This time I injected eggs with sauces and soft-boiled them into the yolks. These are the results.

Cholula: surprisingly hard to inject, but it did flavor the yolk. A waterier sauce would be better. ❗

Cholula Mayo: too thick to inject. ❌

Brie: The memory of shoving brie into a syringe will haunt me until I die. Too thick, but flavorful. ⁉️

Worcestershire: Easiest to inject. Not my favorite flavor, but shows promise. Maybe try with soy? ⭕

(CW: syringes in images)

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So they changed my med dose and the syringes I have are too big. I looked for a local harm reduction place do donate them to, but none are currently accepting needles. So I had one idea left for how to use them...

(CW: syringe in images)

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Queer Town

A lil' town for me and maybe some friends in the future.