Alexis @OhHeyItsAlexis@queer.town

I'm like 95% sure if I drink this shake I'm going to be murdered in my sleep by the ghost of Jonathan Sonic.

I was at a Sonic, and ordered and burger and shake. Shortly after a paid a man in khakis ran out of the Sonic, screaming and waving his arms.

"28! 28! We do *not* have ice cream. We cannot make your shake."

I said no worries, and waited for my meal. Another man came out, and handed me a bag with my burger in it...

...and a shake.

🎶Dos orugussies🎶

Honestly at least tailor the app to the intent. I mean surely LinkedIn would be a better fit.

"Jonathan would like to connect.
Hello, I've got a great opportunity in the field of console table acquisitions."

@suricrasia Thank god the torment nexus could be defeated by a single worn out drive belt

Had my follow up with the surgeon, who said everything looks good. At this point most of the surgical glue is gone (there's still a few pokey bits.)

Pain levels have been at a .5 for the past two days, and they're practically at a 0 now. Every now and then I might move in a way that makes my pubis or scrotum flare up, but even that pain usually is a 2 to 3 tops. Annoying, but not incapacitating.

They also have a terrible habit of giving long, detailed sob stories explaining why they need an item. But they just don't make sense.

"Please, I need this for my 4 year old."

I'm sorry, you *need* an extremely narrow, top-heavy, sharp-edged metal table that's just the right height for a child to not be able to reach without tipping over... for your 4 year old?

"They want a fish tank."

Cool, yeah, so you want to load up tipzilla with glass and salmonella-infused water. For your child.

If you're wondering why I treat my BN group like they're a hive of scum and villainy, who need to solve my sphinx's riddles before I'll even talk to them, it's because of shit like this.

I'm having a low day, feeling bad about myself, when I get a message notification from a dating up. I perk up, jump on to see whose eye I've caught, who this delightful stranger could be.

It's someone messaging me asking if they could have the console table that I posted in my Buy Nothing group on Facebook.

The tears are coming quickly and suddenly today. I feel like I'm finally getting control of my professional life, but it also feels like that's the only life I have left.

I'm so tired of trying to make friends, over and over and over again. Of giving my heart so freely only to find it discarded.

I feel infinitesimally small, worthless and alone.

We had a relationship based on trust, damnit. Obviously you check a unisex. And at home mistakes happen when strangers visit. But here?

I feel so betrayed.

I just sat down on a raised toilet seat in a womens' restroom and I'm not sure I'll be able to recover from trauma today.

Is it that tangible for other people, the moment that you realize someone isn't a friend anymore? Or maybe never was. It always feel like a bloody tongue, a mouth flooded with copper.

For those of you who prefer talkies to daguerreotypes...

Went to see Blue Lapis Light last night, with my ex, her father and a friend. It was such a lovely time. Honestly seeing two women defy gravity and leap hundreds of feet to grasp each other in mid air, their hair and skirts ruffling in the breeze, might have made me like 10% gayer.

Oh my god if I don't have someone bent over and taking my strap soon I may literally die.

Yer a MILF, Harriet!

I bought some high-waisted panties from a plus-sized shop for the first time. Just the perfect length to pull up over a pooch, with the leg lace still at the perfect spot on your thighs.

I think this joy is what getting your acceptance letter from Hogwarts feels like, only for being a middle-aged woman.