Mental Health Pt. 2 (~) 

It feels really nice to have a name for this thing that's inside of me, but giving a tornado a name doesn't make it any less intense.

I have so much work ahead of me...

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Mental Health (~) 

There was this moment in my transition when I found the gender dysphoria bible and it felt like reading a checklist I had written about myself...

In working with my therapist and my psych, we've looked at a lot of things. Bipolar didn't quite fit, as my swings were frequent and usually triggered. Borderline Personality Disorder seemed closer, but I never lashed out at friends,

Once I found out about Quiet BPD... the floor fell out from under me.

Get up early
Go to work
Go through emails
Standup meeting
My code broke
So tired
ASL class
Asked to implement tests
Those frameworks are outdated
Find new framework
So tired
Pride planning meeting
Contact event parties
That framework is also outdated
Find new framework
So tired
Reading docs
Reading docs
Mental health awareness meeting
Code broke
Code broke
Therapy
So tired
Code broke
Code broke
Run home
Queer volunteering meeting
So tired
9 PM
Eat cold pizza
Back to work

So tired
So tired
So...

Honestly the number of times my therapist has had a breakthrough in understanding how my mind works and then started crying...

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Therapist: It sounds like you balance all of your actions like an equation, where you're constantly trying to make the good outweigh your own perceived negative worth. But let's look at a concrete counter-example: you talk to me about sad things.

Me: That's because I pay you. Even then I honestly spend every session in fear that one day the value of that money won't be worth the amount of time you feel forced to talk to me, and you'll drop me as a client.

Therapist: Jesus Christ you need help.

I wonder how many times I can listen to "You're Gonna Outlive Mitch McConnell" in a day

Dumb kink joke 

Of all the cock and ball torture scenes in all the sex dungeons in the world, she walks into mine.

In switch/switch relationships the top should be the one who had the the best Wordle score that day.

My mom asked how my day was going and I told her I'm starting two new meds...

Well, well, well, look what the catboy dragged in

CW: Dumb sex joke 

Be a good girl and have a sudden and intense feeling of pleasure, an abrupt increase in pulse rate and blood pressure and a spasm of the pelvic muscles that may or may not include ejaculation for mommy.

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Alexis :heart_pan: boosted

the 2000s were the wild west in terms of stocking gas station shelves. you could just put liquor in a monster. you could name an energy drink cocaine or lean. you could spray 2ci on some oregano and sell it as weed

I may have decided to get myself a little present to celebrate the bedroom being unpacked.

Oh, ooooh, oh. No, it's fine, I just hadn't met any... hay-tee-ros you said? So like I'm totally okay with it but I do need to ask one thing. When you, y'know... which one of you is the girl and which is the other girl?

I'm nothing if not dedicated, so here is one week's worth of unpacking. I was so busy moving that I forgot it was my birthday. What better motivation to unpack than throwing your own housewarming slash birthday slash amateur porn film festival screening night.

It has been... one hell of a year.
I came out as trans.
I got an insane job that I never thought I could, with all the fun impostor syndrome that brings.
I started feeling so comfortable just being myself that I'm actually socializing and building a community of happy people.
But most shockingly... I bought a house. Just a cute, quaint little place that's in the perfect spot for work and play.

Alexis :heart_pan: boosted

Google's CAPTCHA is like trying to entertain the world's most insistent toddler:

"Find the boats!"

"Find the cars!"

"Where's the palm trees?"

"Do it again! Do it again!"

Alexis :heart_pan: boosted
Alexis :heart_pan: boosted

Lewd mumblecore rap that popped into my head 

Her girldick so compact
She calls it Nissan Sentra
Fits into a tight spot, she whisper,
"No te preocupes, te entra."

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Queer Town

A lil' town for me and maybe some friends in the future.